she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
