I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I will pee on everything he values.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
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