Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
