anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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