She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I have already put on my inside pants.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
