I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
