a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
