Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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