i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
