Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
