i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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