i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
