Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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