A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
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