glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
