so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
