im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
