guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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