Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
