Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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