just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
