I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I think I sprained my soul last night
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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