Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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