Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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