hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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