im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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