Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
