he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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