I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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