i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
