It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Fuck me I smell like cheese
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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