My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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