so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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