My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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