SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
