And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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