I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
