Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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