she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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