And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Floor bacon is actually really good
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
