people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
