Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
