I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I believe in your delicious
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
