the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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