Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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