How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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