Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
