I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
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