you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
this boner is exhausting
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
