when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
