Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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