Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
