Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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